my life would suck without you

when in doubt, give hope

Quite possibly one of the reasons why I never made it as valedictorian is valedictorians have to give speeches, and no prizes for guessing what would be the content of my speech. It will honestly make this speech seem really tame and friendly even. Honestly honestly speaking, the kindest word I can force myself to muster for a PAP person is 4 letter-ed and starts with F.

When I lost my job at moral, and then subsequently at SGH, I admit that that was really a rough time for me. Why was I subjecting myself to pain and suffering in an industry so thoroughly defiled and befouled by NCSS, for a job that obviously is not going to pay me for what I'm worth. I did get another job eventually [and I'm still there] but everyday I have to ask myself what I am doing there when I feel I have been so thoroughly short-changed: I am receiving a pittance of a salary not because the organization cannot afford it, but because this is what they feel I am worth as a social worker because afterall, I have no FSC experience. Yet constantly, I'm being turned to for my knowledge of the social services, the contacts I have made, and my mass com expertise. I resolved to act like what I'm paid, a total newbie, but how can I possibly say no? Adding oil to fire, for some strange reason, inter-bank creditting of salary only works for POSB or DBS accounts so I had to open a disgusting account with DBS. And adding even more oil to fire, nowhere is the miasma of NCSS seen more but in a FSC. And I had to smile at those disgusting NCSS cretins.

And to top it all off, I have to get accredited with the Singapore Association of Social Workers [SASW]. I'd rather get inducted into the KKK first.

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I would like to end this post with Hope though.

This is an excellent speech by a Ms Allison Anais Brunner. Excerpt:

"I believe that hope is intrinsic in the individuals, families, and communities we serve. But what do we do when people feel hopeless? I believe we do as my former therapist did for me when I wasn’t able: We hold the hope for them."

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I hold the Hope that one day things will be better.

8:22

So at 8.22 PM earlier today, according to the local news, time stood still as Singaporeans dropped whatever they were doing and were united in saying the pledge. I always suspected Woodlands was part of JB because as I roamed around the area looking for dinner, life went on as usual: usual delinquents making too much noise at the basketball court, usual Me looking for blood and usual G half torn between being patriotic and pissing me off.

Me and the pledge go back way back. In Primary 5, I stopped placing my hand to my heart during morning assembly. In secondary school, I stopped stopping whenever the pledge was being recited. In JC, I got into the most trouble over the pledge. I was perpetually late, and one of the punishments for late comers was to say the pledge. I resisted against putting hand to heart but I couldn't escape reciting it, and try as I might, I could never get the last line right. I mean, all decent governments should be striving to achieve a nation built on happyness, peace and prosperity no? Is there something else more important than either happyness, peace or prosperity? I could never figure out the right mix, so I was perpetually in and out of the discipline master's office where he continuously made assinuations that I was a Jehovah's witness. And secondly, shouldn't the pledge be more for the civil service and ministers to recite and not us, since we are not in any position to effect change?

Of course I know what I missed out. 'Peace' was never part of the pledge. Prosperity is. Specifically prosperity for the very chosen few. And peace is something that is not important of course. A country can never have peace. A country is a arbitrarily demarcated piece of land fluffed up by a mascot and history. Without the history, the nation cannot exist but history wears off with the passing of time. History almost always dissipates in the face of peace.

How else can we explain the constant reminder of the threat of terrorism? The threat of racial disharmony? And the latest in turn today: the threat of swine flu? The fact is none of our existing measures go beyond simple serving as a visual reminder that such a threat remains, and by extension, we need to depend on the government to keep us safe. How easy is it to evade the security guards at the MRT stations, if they even need evading in the first place. How redundant is it to have temperature checks when a person would probably have travelled through layers of commute before being detected, if he is even detected in the first place.

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In other news, managed to catch Up! last Friday [and will be catching it yet again later this afternoon]. It's quite possibly the best show I've ever seen. It's really really good, although G remarked that I make the bitter protagonist look optimistic.

bullshit of the week: terrorist expert on the news

I caught the news just now, because it unfortunately sandwiched between the Goblet of Fire, which I was watching, which shows how far down the domestication ladder I have fallen. Harry Potter has always been a nosebleed/vomit blood experience for me: so we have the good guys who are bound by their intangible rules which the bad guys capitalize upon to spawn 7 sequels; and in the end the bad guys come undone because of more tangible rules. Rather bullshitty, but not as bullshitty as the news of course. Incidentally, I felt the only bit that wasn't bullshit was the segment when they showed these bulls being massaged so that they can produce better milk for cheese.

There was a mayor on the news, and a minister, but I think today I wanna single out this ang moh terrorist expert who was giving her 2 cents worth on the Jarkarta bombing.

Her first point was that the bombers this time round must be the same as the previous time because they were using the same type of bomb. I'm reminded of the time a whole chunk of my classmates were hauled up for plagiarism because everyone googled and lifted the information from the first link.

Next, our expert mentioned that this attack must have taken alot of planning and coordination because of the target [JW Marriot]. I'm no terrorist expert, but occasionally I like to dabble in terrorist mind games. Let's see. There's no point bombing a rural area because noone will probably know a bomb went off, so that leaves the cities, of which Indonesia doesn't have very much of, narrowing the possible area by I don't know 80%? Generally it also makes so sense to bomb the locals, because Asian governments generally treat the people who voted them in as fodder, so that rules out places where there's low ang moh to local ratios, which rules out yet another 15%. Hotels are a logical choice, and based on the previous point, ruling out hotels like Best Budget Hotel Jarkarta, what do we get? JW Marriot.

And seriously honestly, I don't see how much planning and coordination is required to drag a suitcase into the hotel restaurant for breakfast.

In addition, to support the 'alot of time and planning' point, our expert also pointed out that JW Marriot is not cheap and our terrorists should have had to spend abit of time raising the funds to stay there. I agree with her totally. I'm a PMET and I totally have difficulty affording a room at a hotel like JW Marriot, except of course unless I don't plan to check out, because I don't know? Hotels like only charge you after you check out?

CSR101

To NCSS, Singapore Power and the bunch of people at the Spinelli opposite HarbourFront discussing their obviously shitty from the start and gonna get more shitty CSR project with Eunice Olsen [yar I'm sure kids would love to get to know our parliamentary system]:

Pixar grants girl's dying wish to see 'Up':

"Colby Curtin, a 10-year-old with a rare form of cancer, was staying alive for one thing – a movie.
From the minute Colby saw the previews to the Disney-Pixar movie Up, she was desperate to see it. Colby had been diagnosed with vascular cancer about three years ago, said her mother, Lisa Curtin, and at the beginning of this month it became apparent that she would die soon and was too ill to be moved to a theater to see the film.

After a family friend made frantic calls to Pixar to help grant Colby her dying wish, Pixar came to the rescue.

The company flew an employee with a DVD of Up, which is only in theaters, to the Curtins’ Huntington Beach home on June 10 for a private viewing of the movie.
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Pixar has an automated telephone answering system, Orum-Moore said, and unless she had a name of a specific person she wanted to speak to, she could not get through. Orum-Moore guessed a name and the computer system transferred her to someone who could help, she said.

Pixar officials listened to Colby’s story and agreed to send someone to Colby’s house the next day with a DVD of "Up," Orum-Moore recalled.

She immediately called Lisa Curtin, who told Colby.

“Do you think you can hang on?” Colby’s mother said.

“I’m ready (to die), but I’m going to wait for the movie,” the girl replied.
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At about 12:30 p.m. the Pixar employee came to the Curtins’ home with the DVD.
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Colby died with her mom and dad nearby at 9:20 p.m."

That's how you do CSR, folks.

save the world

I have a list of things I would like to accomplish. It's a respectable list, don't plan on doing everything on it of course, just managing one on it would be damn fulfilling liao and I'm not a greedy person and without ado, here's the list:

1] Eternal world peace
2] Help Thio Su Mien's troubled soul see Reason
3] Rid NCSS of stupidity [this is worth 2 items]
4] Write a good commencement speech

What is a good commencement speech? The ones I had so far involve going forth into the world and achieving great economic value, being a useful member of society, giving back to the community, and last but not least, vote for the PAP. The irony is, anyone who'd gotten a competent Baccalaureate education should find them complete and utter bullshit.

So what is a good commencement speech? The following commencement speech which comes from the University of Portland. Excerpt:

'...Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, stupefying challenge ever bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hope only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful...'

It's a great speech.

Read it.

obama's first 100 days

Obama's speech marking his first 100 days.

Filled with gems like:

'I have to confess I really didn't want to be here tonight but I knew I had to come. It's one more problem that I've inherited from George W. Bush.'

'..Sasha and Milia aren't here tonight because they're grounded. You can't just take Air Force One on a joyride to Manhattan. I don't care whose kids you are.'

'I believe my next 100 days will be so successful, I will be able to complete them in 72 days - and on the 73rd day I will rest.'

'..My relationship with Hillary. We have been rivals during the campaign but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second she got back from Mexico, she pulled me into a hug and gave me a big kiss and told me I better get down there myself..'

And my personal fave:

'...A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts is not an option for the United States of America. I may not agree with everything you write or report. I may even complain or more likely Gibes [?] will complain from time to time about how you do your jobs but I do so with the knowledge that when you are at your best then you help me be at my best. You help all of us who serve at the pleasure of the American people to do our jobs better, by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of. That kind of reporting is worth preserving, not just for your sake but for the public's. We count on you to help us make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives in the way they happen. And we look for you for Truth, even if it's always an approximation...'

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I still support Hillary. But just barely.

Cambodia Day 1: Phnom Penh

So post-Cambodian holiday, things are still as sucky. I hate going for interviews, having to explain my ideals to people, and being exasperated their feeble minds are so firmly entrenched in the now and the I that it thoroughly sickens me. But on to happyer things: my trip to Cambodia:

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So the trip started off with a early morning flight to Phnom Penh. I think perhaps the redundancy of army and reservist must be addictive: the first day is always some exceedingly meaningless [relative to the other days, which is also meaningless] series of events collectively known as in-processing, which mostly consists of waiting in bunk in various positions of rest. But when you reach Phnom Penh at 9 am, there's alot of day ahead of you, and I don't think it's wise, or worthwhile, to lull the whole day in the hotel, which, is not the one in the picture above. Our hotel was opposite, and while now quite as big, it looks quite nice. The exterior is not much, but interior is very ethnic + rustic + advant garde. And our room is the deluxe superior room, or as KM puts it, 'the most bottom option'.

So it's almost quite regrettable to leave the cool comfort of the room for the harsh Cambodian sun, and the even harsher tuk tuk touts. The first tuk tuk we hailed quoted 10USD, before we finally whittled it down to 4USD. At our destination, which was quite away from Phnom Penh, no other tuk tuk driver would take us, so we ended up paying the same guy 6USD to get us back [So he got his 10USD in the end]. It's almost blackmail. Going back to the hotel cost another 2USD [from another guy], relatively cheap, but haggling took like almost 15 minutes [tks to KM] and we promised to book the guy the whole of tomorrow.

The couple of places we went to on the first day included the Killing Fields and the S-21 Genocide Museum.

Actually I still cannot make heads or tails on what happened during the Khmer Rouge. In fact, the first time I was here, my friends who showed me around mentioned that many of the younger generation of Cambodians don't believe the genocide ever happened. The Killing Fields is where they supposedly ship people from the S-21 prison to execute them, and it's now open to the public for 2USD per person.


There's a nice nice memorial there now, but I heard long ago, it was just a series of wooden shacks, and a big field where they buried the people in after they killed them. Lonely Planet seems to have a beef with outsourcing, and made several rather derogatory comments about the fact the the Killing Fields have been outsourced to a Japanese company. I'm neutral about outsourcing; afterall, a certain government has proven that you can don't outsource a memorial but they are still not above turning it into a carnival area for commercial convenience and gain.


If you're into a career in forensics, the Killing Field/Cambodia is a good place to start. The Cambodians will not fail to stress how each person died, by looking at the damage done to the skulls. Cracks, holes, dents all have a story of their own to tell, and these stories usually involve clubbing, bashing, a gun, or any combination of them.


This is the tree where they supposedly hung a loudhailer to drown out the sounds of the dying so people around wouldn't know what's going on. I don't really get this part: if you're in absolute power, why the need to hide whatever you are doing.


And here is one of several holes littering the area where they buried their victims after killing them. The holes have all been supposedly exhumed, but the holes remain.


The poster tree of the revolution. So the most famous killing method the Khmer Rouge had was when they smashed the head of a child or baby on the tree, like a baseball bat, and this is the tree where they did it on. Master Sang. 6th Dan Tae Kwan Do has this training protocol where he teaches us to practise kicking by kicking the tree. He advises 'not to harm the tree'. I think he worries unduly.

Next it's off to where it all begun: the S21 prison, entry at 2USD per person where you get to check out the place where prisoners were tortured and interrogated there for about 3 months on average before being sent off to be killed. In many ways, I think the Killing Fields is alot more humane than the prison; you go there and you die, rather than a protracted process of pain and suffering. I didn't take much pictures there, because I think this place has alot more baggage than the Killing Fields, and you never know what you can accidentally capture. So the place used to be a school before being converted to a prison. The first floor was mainly the administrative offices and torture chambers; the prisoners, when not being tortured, were held in either makeshift wooden cells barely a shoulder wide and only almost as long as an average person, or chained up on the floor where they laid side by side with others. Tortures included this gymnastic bar which they used to hang prisoners upside down from, to dunk into this big jar of putrid water, and lots of not so nice things with spikes and sharp edges.

There was a screening of a documentary on the S21 prison at one of the rooms. Not sure if they wanted us to relieve the S21 experience, but the room was dark and sealed up, with only one small fan blowing in the corner. I fell asleep halfway; I awoke to find that half the room was empty.


A word of caution: generally asiarooms.com is a good place for your hotelling needs, but there is a good reason why a hotel is labelled 'hot deal'. Not that our hotel was just beside the S-21, or had bloody gloves in the room, but it was rather far from everything, especially food, and Phnom Penh tuk tuk drivers are persistent blood suckers, although the good thing is we got to see extra extra things, like Cambodia's rendition of Gayworld, as above.


First real meal in Cambodia, and it was not bad. From top, some Cambodian pad thai-y dish, sour soup, and the dish I had: Khmer curry, which was more savory than spicy, because I think their focus seems to be more on the coconut milk.

Cambodia Day 0 and bleeding $$

The S21 prison, now known as the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, was at the center of Khmer Rouge brutality during that dark period. At least 17,000 people went through there, where they were interrogated and tortured over about 2-3 months in very very horrible ways, to get the answers that they were supposed to give, before they were sent off to be executed. The man in charge of this prison, Comrade Duch, is currently on trial for 'crimes against humanity', which is weird because all Duch did was follow the orders given by his superiors [i.e the people who pay him], and he did a damn fine job about it. 17,000 confessions gotten, and corresponding punishment meted out. How more competent can you get. In addition, during his trial, Duch also mentioned that he came up with alot of the tortures that were used in S-21. Wah, the guy also has initiative. Competent, resourceful and obedient. Everything I am not. What more can an employer ask for?

The guy deserves a glowing testimonial.

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Sarcasm aside, not that I don't like Cambodia or travelling, or am not grateful that I get to make the time to travel, this really is quite an awkward time for me. It's like I'm no longer playing on my own terms in too many ways and I always hate that. So I'm still gonna come back unemployed, and half the time I'm there, I'm constantly conscious of my phone, in case any perspective employers call. Makes it worst that I'm on prepaid [because I don't see postpaid making sense when I don't use my phone much and I'm already paying my telco way too much even for the bits that I do use]. and prepaid really sucks when roaming: $6 per call per minute, even if the call is made by some idiotic people, like the 2 idiots from MDIS who called; one to ask about something about my enrollment application which I had already told him face to face to, and the other some bitch probably trying to do her own survey with her own ulterior agenda.

Took Jetstar to Cambodia. I'm quite sure I haven't put on much weight these past months and I swear that the amount of leg space seems to have shrunk. Not sure if it's also a coincidence, but they are offering front row and emergency door seats at an additonal $20, payable on the spot if you so can't tahan. KM suggests next, they'll charge you $5 per every 10 degrees you want your seat to incline by.

Phnom Penh is so not a tourist-friendly or cheap place. The basic demoninator is the USD dollar, so everything is at least SGD$1.50. There's no taxi there, so we have to take the tuk tuk, and agree on a price beforehand. We spent like 13USD on travelling on the first day, and another 16 today. Food costs at least 2-3 USD a meal, and there's like 2-6 USD of admission fees per place we went to, even the temple.

Tomorrow we head to Siem Reap, where already 36 USD for to and fro bus ride, 45 USD for tour guide and admission tickets to the temples there, is already foregone.